I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
