The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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