is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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