So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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