I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
