A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize