I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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