Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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