I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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