just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We don't watch enough power rangers
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
