K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
