The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
