I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize