I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
