A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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