I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
