Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
