So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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