I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
