The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
