We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
