Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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