My underwear smells like fireworks.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
