HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
