HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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