I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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