No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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