I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
