just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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