if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Its about making memories worth repressing
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Bring me that man meat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
