Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
