two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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