i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They took my balls.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
