I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
