I like my sex mixed with concussions.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize