At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
