Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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