i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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