A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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