we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
