new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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