It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize