you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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