I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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