he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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