His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i believe in u and ur pee
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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