So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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