He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it hurts more in the daytime
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
