Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
