one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize