Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Michael Bay diarrhea
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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