were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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