Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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