I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
