Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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