I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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