so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
