I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
