Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
