and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
