That's intense
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
