You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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