I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
