It's Friday. Sex?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
