I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
